A little background....

I thought some context might be nice about the student who penned the letters contained in the following post. He was one of my students the very first year I was an instructional aide at a rural high school, and I would say we were equally clueless, just in different ways. Some highlights of my time working with him include:

• The day he told me that I looked "kinda fat."
• The first day of school his junior year when he showed up in a custom designed t-shirt that said "I love Beyonce"
• The time he wrote all of the lyrics to the Beyonce song "Irreplaceable" on a chalkboard
• The time an English teacher accused him of plagiarizing a narrative essay when really all he had done was written the entire plot of a telenovela and passed it off as the story of his family.
• The time he hacked into the library's student database, printed about 50 enlarged copies of another student's photo and wrote "Missing!!!!" "Have you seen her?????" "Where is Leticia???" on them and posted them around the campus.

Anyway, when he asked me to write a letter to the judge at the Mexican Consulate about why he should be granted US citizenship, I was kind of at a loss, except that I can only assume that someone this savvy has great things to contribute to our great nation.

A short collection (2) of letters from a former student awaiting his papers in Mexico

Letter #1

Hello, How have you been ? Well I have just been here still in Mexico just waiting to go back soon well I think before june26th hopefully. Well things are good here in Mexico except that it's really hot an people are weird. Anyways I can't wait till I go back cause I miss my mommy well in your prayers please pray so I can come back soon. Thanks O an I was also wondering if you had a myspace.???? Anyways the bottom picture is the catedral of guadalajara it really huge and nice.

Letter #2

HI
IDK WHAT I AM GOING TO DO WHEN I COME BACK I HAVE NO IDEA LOL
SO DID U EVER GET MARRIED I TAUGHT U WERE???
AND PLEASE PRAY FOR ME SO I CAN GO BACK ASAP THANKS U RULE

This has nothing to do with teaching, but....

Today after helping some friends move (friends who have a lot of leisure activity-related possessions, weird) my roommate and I rode back in the now empty 17' UHaul playing probably the most bad-ass game of Paddle Koosh (America's #1 Paddle Game, c. 1997) ever. Well worth moving all of the aforementioned lesiure activity-related possessions.

Also, this will be a short post because at the coffee shop where I am shamelessly using the internet but not consuming anything purchased here, a group is setting up on stage with a sign that says "Welcome Back America" and I'm just not sure I need to stick around and find out what that is all about.

I hope it has nothing to do with the in-depth conversation at the next table about how to kill a werewolf and a vampire simulateneously with the same weapon.

Priceless.

In a recent discussion of the informal versus formal language with my 5th grade ELL students, I asked them to list as many examples of each as they could in 10 minutes. This is what they came up with:

Formal

Good evning
How are you doing today?
Hi there.
Nice whether were having
Is your day going?
Nice dress.
Nice day isint it.
Excuse me
Would you like some tea
Would you like some coffee
How old are you ma'am
Yes please
Nice doing buissnes with you?
Thank you very much

Informal

What up?
Whats your name dude?
Catch you later.
Peace out
See you later brother from another mother
It's cool
What's up dude.
Whats you doing?
Dude?
What's your age dude?
You stink.

The Lineup

Of the many stars that will shine on the pages of this blog (all with their names changed, duh), I feel it is best to introduce you to a few that you may be see more than others based on the frequency with which they do hilarious/poignant shit. But I guess even before that, I should introduce myself, make a blanket disclaimer statement and then get on with it already.

I teach in a rural school district in the United States, and I have the total joy of teaching grades K-12, which means that in any given day I will have to help someone very young blow their nose and then remind someone who is not so young that they should stop staring at my rack. Out of concern for my already somewhat tenuous job security and this little thing called ETHICS, I will make every effort to not reveal information about my job/students that jeapordize either. If you feel that I have, please notify my totally incompetent boss.

Onward.

Danny is 12. Somewhere in the first months of this school year I was frustrated with my class of middle-schoolers and uttered a threat that is so unoriginal I am ashamed to mention it: "If you don't stop talking some of you are going to be spending your lunch with me today." There was a pause wherein the students reevaluated just exactly how much they wanted to push it and Danny's hand shoots up in the air: "I'd like to spend my lunch with you." Dammit, Danny, it was supposed to be a threat.

Jose is 7 and is the 1st grade version of Jack Black, complete with a belly, incredible facial expressions and a tendency to roll on the floor, take off various articles of clothing, break crayons at will and draw bloody explosions when the rest of the class is drawing their favorite vegetable.

Maria is 15 and is convinced that the members of the band Los Inquietos del Norte are all going to marry her someday and that the louder she screams at their concerts the sooner that will happen. She has also been known to sing the state song of Guadalajara upon request. She and her sister often argue in class about whether or not they have the same dad.