"You bought WHAT from your sister?"

As I waited outside in the designated stand-in-line-and-wait-for-your bus area after school today, a student I didn't know walked past and I gave him my best teacher smile, just like I give everyone who is under 5'2" my best teacher smile, and then my smile quickly faded into a look like what I imagine my friend was thinking when he saw a couple openly fisting at the B2B this year.  Actually, I take that back, that look was probably a little more gleeful than mine.  Anyway, imagine my face contorted into a semi-controlled holy hell/REALLY?/wtf face.  The student who passed me was sporting NIPPLE CLAMPS, chained to the appropriate region of his t-shirt.  Do you know how many other teachers he probably walked by who by virtue of the bumfuck Norman Rockwell town I work in didn't even know what they were?  Did I mention I was at the elementary school?  

It gets better.  Turns out he is in the 4th grade, he knows what they are and he bought them from his older sister.  For a quarter.