Stupid, stupid, stupid.

What was I thinking? Repeat after me: Never, ever, ever, even if you think it is a really good idea should you check the Facebook pages of your high school students. Such an act will result in nothing good. All it will result in is realizing that your really wonderful students are actually teenage douchebags and while they might not call things 'gay' and 'retarded' and refer to women as 'bitches' in front of you in your classroom, they most certainly do so on the internet. Disappointment might be a good word for what I'm feeling right now. Also, how can a generation so supposedly tech-savvy be so stupid as to not set their shit to private? GAHHHH. I should seriously consider lowering my expectations.

Seriously.

I traveled by train yesterday and began the two hour sojourn overhearing the woman to my left talking on the phone describing to a friend how she almost wasn't able to come and visit her this weekend. It turns out that a friend of hers, we'll call him Tony, was in the ICU after being found floating in a hot tub. What's more, he had apparently lost control of his bowels/bladder and in addition to having hot tub water pumped from his lungs, he had his own waste pumped from his lungs, which must be a real treat. If that ever happens to me, I don't want to know about it. She went on to say that he was fine, but that the doctors say that he might not ever be the same. Shocker. He was able to name his cats and knew where he was and who his children were....WAIT A SECOND! This man has children? Probably not for long. Anyway, that was how the train ride began. I mostly just kept to myself and breathed through my mouth so as not not smell the chewing tobacco/armpits of the gentleman in front of me. Grooooossss.

Six degrees of hilarity.

Some of you may have noticed that on Thursday in honor of the 50th anniversary of the swearing in of JFK, Jr. that Google.com changed their logo to include an image of JFK, Jr. created from various words associated with his legacy. For myself and everyone else who saw it, it was clear who it was. EXCEPT....one of my sixth grade students who saw it and said, "Hey, I know who that is! That's that one guy...um, you know...that famous guy....IT'S KEVIN BACON!"

In less hilarious news (my blog has now become my therapist's couch), my 38-year old classroom assistant was castigating me the other day for not being settled down with children. She pointed out that at when she was my age (28 tender years), she already had a child in the middle school. WOW, REALLY? Shoot, I knew I forgot to do something.

Fill in the blank.

A middle school student was working on a preposition worksheet today and had a list of prepositional phrases with which to complete sentences such as:

"The man ________________________ gave me an ice cream bar."

There were several choices, such as: down the hill, across the street, behind the counter, and under the bridge.

I bet you see where I'm going with this.

Spanglish

I assigned my high school students the task of writing a short skit using a few phrases we had been working on. The only other two requirements was that it be appropriate and at least 50% English. Here's an excerpt:

Narrator: Una nina rica y rebelde, that with the bad influence of her best friend, hace que su papa termine en la ruina. Candy y Estrellita are best friends, y un dia, la mala influencia de Estrellita quizo dominar a su amiga Candy.

Estrellita: Amiga, vamonos de reventon a otra house.
Candy: No, its too late already, lets go home.
Estrellita: No seas partypooper, OH I have a medicine, so your parents can go to sleep easily and they wont get mad at you for leaving with me to a party.

Somehow drugging your parents so you can to a party made the cut for "appropriate." However, it appears that the Spanish to English ratio is a little more like 70:30.

Happy MLK Jr. Day

Did I wear my Ugg boots to Taco Bell at 10:30am and break a $100 bill to buy breakfast for my roommates? Yes, yes I did. Did I proceed to eat said Taco Bell treats while watching Jersey Shore re-runs? Affirmative.

Don't be jealous.

I see jail time in your future.

The cosmos have been surrounding me with police officers and arrests (not my own) these days. On Wednesday while at ________'s (a favorite watering hole), the man to my right was arrested for having a pound of marijuana in his car which apparently was more than his medical card provided for. Another man to my left was also arrested for what I assume was general degeneracy. He thought it was prudent to loudly declare things like "Man, I hate bitch cops" while man #1 was being handcuffed by said bitch cop. I think the two women fighting in the parking lot were also arrested. Big night at ________'s.

Then, on Friday I was running to the top of a local butte and saw a police officer speaking with the occupants of a vehicle who had apparently decided that their half-finished bottles of booze/beer should be left on the hood of their car. I assume that the police officer disagreed and I can't imagine that went well.

Holiday

The high school secretary listed Monday as "Martin Luther Day," much to the delight of Protestants everywhere and possibly also my high school history teacher.

I am currently lying in bed marveling in the fact that I don't actually have to get out of it. I am sure that at any moment one of my delightful roommates will knock gently on the door and bring in a cup of coffee, two eggs over medium, potatoes, sourdough toast with strawberry jam and a cup of pineapple juice. Make it happen, a-holes, Mama's hungry.

Cereal

Work is hard. My students (while terrific) do things like get pregnant, drop out, and get arrested. I understand why/how these things happen, but at the end of the day it makes me do things like cry in my car and eat lots of bowls of cereal when I get home from work.

Another reason work is hard is that there is a secretary who is extremely difficult to deal with, witness the following exchange:

Me (seconds before bell rings to start class, madly running to get some necessary forms out of my box and finding my box empty): "The necessary forms aren't in my box."

Maddening secretary: "Well, I put them there."

Me: Silence

FIN.

It appears we have reached an impasse. That's French for "I am thinking very detailed thoughts about how I'm going to vandalize your car."

Infinite cool

I got me one of them smart phones. I don't know how to use it.

You can Semper Fi my fist

In perhaps my most brazen move ever, I have decided to kill the Marine Corps. You may be thinking, "Girl, you're crazy. You can't kill a branch of the armed forces!" This is where you're wrong. I formerly had no beef with the Marines that I didn't have with any group of similarly dressed people marching in unison carrying weapons, but today the Marines went too far. A member of the Marines who happens to have nothing better to do when he is not defending my freedom than to lead high schoolers in jumping jacks during PE class in RuralTown, USA where I work told one of my students that he didn't need to finish high school, that he could join the Marines after finishing his junior year. Oh, I get it, you want to lure students who have otherwise limited post-high school opportunities to their deaths sooner rather than later.

And now a special note to whatever flunky has been assigned the task of monitoring my blog because I threatened the Marine Corps: you should get a new job.