How my parents chose my name

Yesterday while attempting to learn how to spell "wilin' out" as in "all of my white friends and I are wilin' out!!" (said no one ever)-I was alerted to the hilarity that is typing your own name into Urban Dictionary.  Srsly.  Try it.  Here are some excerpts found when I typed in my name:

"Usually a some what shy girl who you find out is really funny once you get to know her. People can't get mad at ______ since you can't take her seriously. She likes to have a good time with her friends and get's along with everyone. She's extremely artsy. She finds a way to like everything and is overall always happy." Uh, yeah.  ALWAYS happy.  Riiiiight.

"An ______ is something very clean, polite, and well kept. Distancing herslef from anything dirty or anal, _______s tend to remain superior. They also obtain the tastest bags of food that are frequently stolen by inferior surrounding beasts." I think my old neighbors wrote this one while they were taking a break from their weekly RPG session.

 

"Don't ever overlook and ______, theyre beautiful, hot, funny, crazyyyy lol and you will deff have a hella time with an ______. And they loveee guys who flirt flirt flirt, none of tht serious shittt." Duhhhh.

And my personal favorite:

"A crack whore whose really cool"

An Open Letter to Comcast

Dear Comcast,

You must be opening my letter assuming you are about to be assaulted by another dissatisfied customer who is tired of being tied to the burning stake of your services because of the ridiculous monopoly you have over the media world.  This is not that letter.  You're gonna wish that was this letter by the time I'm through. 

And to be fair, this letter is really only intended for one person who works for Comcast: the MISCREANT ASS HAT who parks his Comcast utility van in front of my house and places cones around it as if he is doing work.  You are not doing work.  Unless by "work" you mean "hittin' it with someone who lives on my street."  News flash, asshole: getting laid is not official business, and unless your shit is real weird, you don't need the work van for it.  So kindly go home, drop off the work van, change your fucking clothes, and then take some form of public transportation back to my neighborhood.  I am not trying to hate.  I am not trying to cock block.  I am trying to park my car on the street that I live on. 

Some people don't like complaints if they aren't constructive in some way: Hey, I have an idea! Tell me where you live, I'll come park in front of your house and then we can carpool back to my neighborhood so I can get on with my day and you can bang my neighbor!

Seriously, dude, move your fucking work van.  Or give me free cable. 

Sincerely,
Another Comcast customer who thinks that an apocalyptic disaster would be worth it if it meant not having to do business with you.