Two things

1) Overheard at Target:

Girl 1: "Did you know that Nikki bought running shorts just so she could look like she went running?
Girl 2: "Nikki has a great body, its kind of annoying."
Girl 1: "Yeah, but she does not have a good face."

Wow, ladies. Impressive. If there were commercials for bad friends, you would be in them.

2) Overheard at work:

The principal: "Where's your staff ID badge? You know, if you're not wearing it you have to put a quarter in my Mexican vacation fund."
Me (in reality): "Oh, right. OK, I think I have a quarter."
Me (in my mind): "Perfect, and you can put a quarter in my fund every time you make an unethical decision and then I'll be filthy rich."

In all seriousness...

...I have a second grade student that is smarter than you. During homework club she was looking for something to do and I told her she could braid yarn with another student. I promised the other student that I would buy a beautiful braided yarn-bracelet from her for a quarter and without pausing FOR EVEN A SECOND my student chimed in and said "oh, then I can buy 200 with the $50 I have." Uhhhh...let me get my calculator and make sure that's right. Jesus.

Something I adore about my young students is how they don't want to say exactly what they've done when they've messed up and they also don't want to take responsibility even though it was clearly them. Instead they tend to use the world's cutest euphemism: "Uh, Ms. So-and-so,....something happened." Ahh, yes. You accidentally wrote on the white board with a permanent marker. Something has indeed happened.

I heart my job.

Today at the gym....

...I projectile sweated on the trainer. Which is as close as I've come to projectile vomit, which is also a distinct possibility given the INTENSELY PAINFUL ABSURDITY of some of these workouts. But when I'm cut like Mariah Carey (post-meth addiction), I'll be thankful.

Now I'm just back at the house watching Season 2 Episode 1 of The Wire with my roommates. Watching The Wire has led to a steep decline in my grammar as well as an unexplainable desire to sell drugs and/or be sneaky. I have the distinct feeling I will never do either of these.

Things that make me want to barf:

The dog biscuit I accidentally ate today because it looked EXACTLY like one of those oyster crackers you put in your soup.

This post brought to you by.... "Things that make your life seem a little better in comparison to mine."

All things barf

I feel compelled because of the title of this masterpiece of modern blogature to post anytime barf is part of my day. Recently there was no actual barf, but I did receive the following text message: "something something something...let me know when you take barf of it." Uh, take barf of it? Oh, what would we do without autotext? The sender of this message, one EXTREMELY ANNOYING roommate informed me that when he types "case" or "care" it automatically spells 'barf.' In that barf, I really don't barf what he really has to say...in fact, I could barf less.

On to the most hilarious/disturbing part of my day:

One of the school buses in the paragon of public education that is the district where I work was "accidentally" crop dusted. (Point of clarification: I'm talking about real crop dusting, not the kind where someone farts on you as they walk by.) And I put "accidentally" in quotes because why would anyone crop dust something that is giant and yellow and full of children? Good Lord, people, get it together! I'm now trying to bribe other teachers to bring this up next time there is a discussion about low scores on the standardized tests.

That is all.