And a serious birthday post

I decided to do some soul-searching/list-writing to commemorate my 30th birthday, and it was a really fun exercise. Hopefully I can keep up with the tradition of writing a list of things I learned during the last year before the dementia really kicks in. Here it is, unedited, unfiltered, and only unintentionally offensive. 1. I hope that 30 is not the new 20. When I was 20 I was a freaking moron; nobody wants to see that again. 2. Never buy the cheap windshield wiper blades. 3. It is not necessary to be nice to everyone on the bus. 4. It is necessary to be nice to most people on the bus. 5. Sleep is much more important than I thought. 6. So are fruits and vegetables. 7. Baby showers are for suckers/people that already have babies. 8. It is not necessary to compare myself to naked undergrads in the gym locker room. 9. It is necessary to remind myself of #1. 10. There are things you want to do, there are things you need to do, there are things you should do. The latter is my least favorite category, so I like to see if the task can fit into the first two categories. 11. The word for pigeon and the word for dove is ‘paloma’ in Spanish. That is to say, it’s all about perspective. 12. If you buy kale, you must cook it on the same day you buy it. Otherwise you will not cook it and it will shrivel up and smell bad in the crisper drawer. 13. If you are feeling down, change your profile picture on Facebook. 14. Don’t let anyone make you question your choice in light, domestic beer. Bud Light is the nectar of the gods. I’d like to see you drink your stupid microbrew imperial IPA for an entire four quarters of a college football game. 15. Your family will make you crazy, but they made you, so get over it and love them the way that they loved you when you pooped all over everything. 16. Sometimes it is good to be nicer than you have to be. 17. If you can hear your neighbor sneeze, they can hear you fart. Proceed accordingly. 18. I am stronger than I think I am. 19. That thing people tell you to do when you’re upset/stressed/in pain/etc, you know, take three deep breaths? That shit is actually really helpful. 20. It’s OK not to buy organic food when you don’t have a lot of money. 21. Sometimes the juice ain’t worth the squeeze. And sometimes it is. 22. If you call your mom to ask for her advice about how to treat hemorrhoids and you start crying uncontrollably all while sitting in your car in a strip mall parking lot in Greenwood, it might be a good day to stay home and lay on the couch and not go to work. 23. It’s important to recognize when certain fashion trends don’t apply to you (low rise pants, see-through shirts and skinny jeans) 24. My favorite quote from the last year: “Beyond realistic hope, not always available, lies faith; and love of the goal may inspire the courage to conquer even realistic fears” –Israel Scheffler 25. A friend asked me what I have learned about men in the last year…. Meh. 26. Comcast sucks. 27. Most people who complain about hearing others have sex aren’t gettin’ it themselves (I’M TALKING TO YOU, B**** A** NEIGHBOR LADY). 28. I need to wear a bicycle helmet even if it makes me look stupid. Brain damage will inevitably impact me much more than having helmet hair for an hour. 29. It is important and noble to root for the underdog. 30. It is weird that we use both the hours on a clock and years on earth to measure time. One is seen as cyclical and one is seen as linear Hours don’t stop passing, one hours rolls into the next and one day into the next, but our years inevitably will come to an end.